Majority of young people spend a lot of time talking about sex with the mates of theirs. All types of sex in point – the other sex, our sex, good sex, how much sex and sex which is bad. We are quite prepared to be upfront about the fact we think that talking about sex (and thinking of it too) is totally natural and totally healthy.
Then something came along which made me realise that there was one facet of sex we did not ever discuss. That an item was an Oscar nominated film performance from an actress known as Helen Hunt. The movie is called’ The Sessions’ and also it’s all about sex and disability. I realised that we have not been talking about sex and disability. The issue is being brushed under the carpet and that is not good. I reckon it’s time to get talking.
THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT DISABLED PEOPLE GETTING SEX AT SCHOOL EITHER
Sex education at just about all schools school is usually only really focused on relationships between people who don’t have a disability. This could mean people that are young with a disability are not informed about relationships and sex. Think it through and also you get started to realise this will add as much as the notion that sex is not for disabled people. Reflected in the ideas of wider society it becomes a taboo subject.
You have likely seen or at least read about the Channel 4 programme’ The Undateables’. It’s basically a dating show for people with disabilities. The show challenges the view that obtaining a disability somehow makes you non-sexual or asexual. It shows that disabled people, almost as anybody, want to search for someone for sex, love and most of the other stuff boys and females (or perhaps boys and boys, and girls and women) do together.
Some men and women are worried that the programme exploits individuals in the show. In fact, the title of the show give’s the wrong impression and is somewhat exploitative.’ Undateable’ in who’s views – who’s to judge. Jumping to conclusions about exploitation can bring about sexual rights being compromised, leaving folks feeling like they cannot, or have no perfect, to sexually express themselves.
THE GLEE OF SEX
As mentioned above sex and disability is topical with the release of’ The Sessions’. It tells the real story of a male with a male paralysed from the neck down who uses a sex surrogate to forfeit his virginity. The film challenges the view that individuals with disabilities do not wish to get physical relationships. The idea that men and women with disabilities do not include sexual desires ensures that these desires are overlooked.
The film shows a male overcoming his insecurities and fighting for a right that he thinks he deserves. The film has done a wonderful job at getting people bringing and talking issues into the spotlight.
Sex and disability aren’t addressed together very much in movies and TV. But remember when Artie from Glee shed his virginity on the hot cheerleader? One of the things he said was that he wasn’t even positive he can have sex after his accident. This is a common worry as well as one which may make folks careful of entering into a relationship during the first place.
What’s A SEX SURROGATE?
xxx 18 surrogate isn’t the same as a prostitute. Sexual surrogacy is based around treatments and requires participating in a number of times over several months. A surrogate addresses psychological and also physical problems.
People with physical disabilities which rely on a carer think it is especially hard to have sexual relationships. Usually people’s carers are the parents of theirs, who might be overprotective making it even more difficult to express sexual wants.
On one hand this tends to lead to feelings of isolation and also shame. However some parents that are carers pay for sexual surrogates for their children when they are old enough. It isn’t part of living that a parent expects to be engaged in so that it can be tough. But being open about desires are able to stay away from resentment as it acknowledges the validity of sexual feelings.
There are several companies which are primarily for this that find sex workers for handicapped people. They function within the law, have been vetted and are accustomed to working with people with disabilities.
IN THE NEWS – SUS-SEX
Back in march sex and Disability were in the news when it was revealed that sex workers were being utilized in care homes in Sussex. The revelations had a diverse response. Some individuals are worried that this opens the door to the likelihood of exploitation. Others defend it, saying the sexual surrogates are doing one thing that care workers are not able to, both morally and by law.
For some, using a sex worker and knowing that they’re able to be intimate, will be able to provide the confidence that they have to have a relationship with an long-term partner. Learning they have a few physical sexual capability to back up the sexual desires of theirs raises their self-esteem.
Others may well not need to utilize a sex worker and would like to hold back until they are in a relationship. Going directlyto Glee, Artie was upset he lost the virginity of his through’ meaningless’ sex – albeit as an expression by a caring friend. He was encouraged to lose his virginity as he was not sure he might have sex. After the encounter he was left hoping he had waited.
You are able to make your own mind up about whether very first sexual encounters are always meaningful. However this response in is a reflection that individuals with disabilities experience exactly the same worries about love and sex as anybody else.
And so, Let’s GET TALKING
There’s a great deal to consider. Some have fears that using sex workers could result in abuse of people which are vulnerable. While sexual desires are essential, exploitation is an issue. Although if you comply with the notion that sex workers are themselves being exploited the problem becomes who is exploiting whom.
For this reason it’s crucial for there to be honest and open discussions about the issues. By doing this, disabled individuals can feel that any sexual desires they have are normal.
One half of the fight is making society more mindful of the issues; this is first step to combating stigma on the subject matter.