Sexual life Advice: Sex Isn’t A Compensation, Nor a new Punishment

A colleague on LinkedIn requested a provocative question: Should a spouse utilize sex as a reward and punishment? Naturally, the quick answer is no. But the issue got therapists, which includes me, chatting it up regarding how folks start using their sexual relationship to manipulate the partner of theirs.

When Sex Chat is stingy with sex and only has sex when their partner has done one thing they want them to do, that’s using sex as a punishment and reward. They could think to themselves, “You rat. I am not having sex with you as you annoy me.” Possibly, they aren’t even aware of their thought. They only know they do not feel as if having sex. They might find excuses or ways to avoid an encounter. This’s what’s I call “withholding sex.”

Normally the person withholding sex does not say aloud, “Hey, you repaired the bleed dry right now after I bugged you for the last 3 weeks, so I’m going to have sex with you,” or, “You gave in so we got the sofa in a color I wanted rather than that horrid tan, here is a blow job.”

Doling out sex as M&Ms to a kid who is learning to tie their shoe doesn’t make for a really loving way to approach sex. Sure, there’s like anything as celebrating with sex. Got a raise? Let us have sex! Christening a completely new mattress? Let’s have sex! Whoo hoo!

But influencing a partner with sex? A no.

What I have learned is sometimes the individual who withholds sex can feel powerless in other areas of the relationship. They might have poor communication skills, holding in negative feelings like sadness or anger. Sex is a potent method to manage someone’s habit. And it works until one’s partner gets aggravated or catches onto the game.

Here’s a bit of sexual relationship advice: To be loving, intimate, enjoyable, sex needs to be given freely. Sex must be shared. Sex is as a Hershey bar, to be broken in half and enjoyed just as. Honesty and assertiveness are actually all that is needed to make it very.

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