The sex contract may be openly negotiated and settled, or it might be entirely secret from both partners.
What’s a sex contract?
What’s in a Sex Contract?
Contract items include who will start sex, how often the couple will have sex, what forms of sex acts will happen, and what’s going to occur after sex. The contract might also include modest details, like whether eyes will soon be open or closed, room lit or dark, music on or off, and even whether lube and toys will be used.
Two Different Couples, Two Different Sex Contracts
Let’s take a peek at two different couples, their sex contracts, and their sex lives, shall we?
We will have sex once a week, rain or shine.
We will constantly brush our teeth and shower prior to sex.
We’ll keep lube by the bed but we try to not need it.
For about every three occasions we have sex in the missionary position, we’ll have sex about once with Wendy on top.
If Wendy doesn’t have an orgasm through intercourse, Wendy will use a vibrator on herself for launch.
We’ll kiss afterward, say “I love you,” and go to sleep.
Julia and Tim openly talk about their sex contract frequently, and it evolves over time. Here is what their arrangement looks like now:
Julie gives Tim a clear sign that she’s receptive to initiation and Tim does so, unless he actually isn’t in the mood. If that’s the case, he tells Julie and guarantees that he will initiate as soon as he’s relaxed, relaxed, feeling better, etc..
Tim will let Julie know if he needs extra stimulation to get aroused. Julie will understand that this doesn’t imply that Tim isn’t turned on by Julie, he simply wants more foreplay for themself.
Julie determines if she desires lubricant. She can choose to utilize the expensive luxury manufacturer or the cheap one she is able to drizzle freely.
They maintain a locked toy chest under the bed. The key would be on the nightstand. Both of them is able to dangle the secret to reveal they would like to play with.
Tim likes back entrance, Julie enjoys to confront each other, so they trade off and decide what position they would like to maintain during orgasm.
If Julie does not orgasm, then she can determine if and how she want to come.
Although Tim and Julie do not have a formal arrangement, they let each other know if some thing is not functioning and talk together to change it.
The Issue with Unspoken Sex Contracts
Both contracts are totally acceptable. But what if Wendy or even Lee is unhappy? How would either partner understand? What if one partner is afraid to say anything because the whole negotiation might break, and sex will probably be off the table? How can they handle their sex life when things change, such as their own bodies, their turn on’s their drives, or their obligations outside of the relationship?
As I write this I wonder, how do you end up thinking that couples like Julie and Tim aren’t real? Yes, they are! There are loads of couples who inform each other exactly what they like. How they end up in my clinic is usually because something has gone wrong, like a cancer diagnosis or a misunderstanding regarding how sex changes as people age. As soon as they know, though, they usually adapt because there’s excellent communication already in place.
What’s Your Sex Contract?
Have you got a sex contract that needs to be researched? Could it be time to revive the contract, or do you want to toss it and draw a new one? Such discussions can be complicated in first, but eventually become easier with practice. Try negotiating one element of your sex life first. Once that is functioning better, negotiate for more changes.
If your sex life still is stuck in neutral, then get help. Sex isn’t rocket science! Change is possible, but only if you’re eager to go for the sex you want.