Did you know which couples have a sex contract? The sex contract may be freely negotiated and settled, or maybe it might be totally secret from both partners.
What’s a sex contract? A sex contract is an understanding between two partners regarding how sex is going to happen.
What’s in a Sex Contract?
Contract items include who is about to initiate sex, how often the couple is going to have sex, what kinds of sex acts will occur, and what will arise after sex. The contract might also include tiny details, like whether eyes will be opened or closed, room lit or even dark, music on or off, as well as whether lube and toys will be used.
2 Different Couples, Two Different Sex Contracts
Let’s take a look at two different couples, their sex contracts, and the sex lives of theirs, shall we?
Wendy and Lee’s Sex Contract
Lee and Wendy have never publicly talked about their sex contract, that continues to be the same for a couple of years:
We will have sex as soon as a week, rain or perhaps shine.
We’ll usually brush our shower and teeth before sex.
We’ll continue lube by the bed although we try not to need it.
For about every three times we’ve sex in the missionary position, we are going to have sex about once with Wendy on top.
If Wendy does not have an orgasm during intercourse, Wendy will use a vibrator on herself for release.
We’ll kiss afterward, say “I love you,” and go to sleep.
Julia and Tim’s Sex Contract
Tim and Julia openly discuss their sex contract consistently, and it evolves over time. Here is what their contract looks like now:
Julie gives Tim a clear signal that she’s accessible to the initiation, as well as Tim, does so unless he really is not in the mood. Whenever that is the case, he tells Julie and assures her that he is going to initiate the instant he is rested, relaxed, feeling better, etc.
Tim is going to let Julie know in case he needs extra stimulation to get aroused. Julie will understand this does not mean that Tim isn’t started up by Julie, he just needs more foreplay for himself.
Julie decides if she needs lubricant. She can choose to use the costly luxury brand or the cheap one she can drizzle freely.
They have a locked toy chest under the bed. The key is on the nightstand. Either at least one can dangle the key to show they wish to play.
Tim likes rear entry, Julie would like to face one another, for this reason they trade off and decide what job they would like to experience during climax.
If Julie does not orgasm, then she can decide if and how she’d like to come.
Although Julie and Tim don’t have a formal agreement, they let one another know if something isn’t functioning and talk together to alter it.
The issue with Unspoken Sex Contracts
Both contracts are completely acceptable. But imagine if Wendy or Lee is unhappy? Just how would either partner know? What if one partner is reluctant to say something because the entire negotiation might break down, and even sex will be as a result of table? Exactly how will they handle their sex life in case things change, like their bodies, the turn of theirs on’s, the drives of theirs, or maybe their obligations outside of the relationship?
As I write this I wonder, do you end up thinking that couples as Tim and Julie are not genuine? Sure, they are! You’ll find a lot of couples that tell each other exactly what they like. The way they wind up in my practice is normally because one thing went wrong, like a cancer diagnosis or perhaps a misunderstanding about just how sex changes as we get older. When they understand, however,, they often adapt because there’s excellent communication already set up.
What is Your Sex Contract?
Do you’ve a sex contract that should be explored? Could it be time to renew today’s contract, or do you need to toss it as well as draw up a new one? Such conversations is often confusing at first, but become easier with practice. Try negotiating one portion of your respective sex life first. Once that is functioning better, negotiate for more improvements.
If your sex life still is stuck in neutral, get assistance. Sex isn’t rocket science! Change is possible, but only in case you are willing to go with the sex you would like.
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